@LRoseWojtaszek
Growing up I had very few "stereotypical" meltdowns. That is probably why I am one of the many late diagnosed women (I was 48.) But This video is making me think I was having silent ones all along. I have seen meltdowns in others. and everything they are going through externally is how I feel inside. Like a bottle of soda that has been shaken but can't release. I become nonverbal and cry. I don't even necessarily know I'm crying but inside... Inside I am screaming, raging. It has been two years since my diagnosis and I really feel like I am finally figuring myself out. But this is something I struggle with. I don't know what will help me.
@elthaun
During shutdowns as describe in this video, the only verbal communication that doesnt exacerbate the stress are ones where i can respond with a single word, most frequently yes, or no.
@HomemakerDaze
For me it's like I'm on pause waiting to be alone when I can have my full meltdown
@Dave183
I was a moderately functioning ND. As apposed to "highly functioning". [I am 74 years old, at the moment!] Parts of my life I lived inside of my head. I described myself as "Psychotic". I described my personality as "my poisonality. I had C-PTSD. Alcoholic family background. Suffered from chronic neglect. 4 decades of group contact- Alanon Family Groups- gave me some sense of self. Some hope. Mitigated an otherwise irreversible situation. These days- as you can see here- I embrace digital technology- and reach out when ever the opportoonity presents itself. Restoring my breathing function was a game changer- for me.
@mariajohnson2294
I definitely have. It’s much more socially acceptable to meltdown silently. Outbursts are just a no go. Mostly I just stop functioning. Crying helps the most. I talk through everything and then I fall asleep.
@aliciaspearin6720
This ‘silent meltdown’ is what has caused me to go into the state of regression…where I can not only no longer work, but I can no longer function with daily tasks such as personal hygiene, proper sleep, enough hydration, healthy eating, or getting enough exercise or movement…I have never had support…I have always had to rely on myself to try to keep on keeping on, but this no longer works for me…I’m to the point I need professional help, but because I can’t work, I can’t afford anything…besides, there are no places(that I’m aware of) to seek help as an autistic middle aged adult here in America…
@SRtruth
This was incredibly relatable. Living in isolation can happen even when you're not actually "alone". If you're a people pleaser, you then feel shame for not being able to communicate in an ideal way, to say the least, but usually if you just shut down, people then start speaking at you about whatever they feel the need to say, which usually is neither relevant nor true, but you may try to listen and take it to heart, but it's just making everything more complicated and confusing and you just want to tell them to shut up, but you can't and they've gotten used to assuming you have nothing to say, but that's not true either. This is why it's so necessary to journal and get things out, even if only to yourself. I've written many letters in my life to try and communicate what I can't vocally and have actually given them to people to read and surprisingly more often than not, people don't even want to read it. So unfortunately, if you don't have people in your life who are aware and willing to be considerate of any divergent behaviors and processes, well, it makes life basically unlivable and not worth it at all. It is my hope and dream to find people to actually have good intentional relationships with based on understanding, not ego and bullshit.
@ceanhuckabay1559
I have no mouth and I must scream.
@marthaknox6466
The last time I had one of these at work it was during a CPR training. I work at a school and have coworkers who are not only highly understanding of neurodiversity, but several of them also are autistic or have ADHD themselves. Two of my colleagues noticed that I shut down and was staring into space and did exactly as you suggest here - one brought me a bottle of water and simply placed it near me and smiled and said, "Here. I'm here if you need anything." And a second asked if I wanted his company sitting next to me or to talk. I was only able to shake my head no, and he respectfully said okay and gave me space but stayed close by. I felt very supported.
@demoisellecrane
Being one of the "high functioning" lot (often presumed to be aloof and grumpy), the invisibility of my distress is something i really struggle with. Not being able to articulate it precisely when it's happening (which is what is expected of neurolotypicals, including clinicians) means that I haven't felt much validation from the outside world. One consequence you don't mention is that this miscommunication increases isolation and my feeling of disconnect with the people around me. I feel really alienated all the time, even though I appear fine. I'm also worried about how long I can keep this up. I'll use this video to try to get my point across better. Thank you for articulating it better than I can, it's helpful.
@mammajamma4959
I have spent way too many years imploding without any support. I am now 65 and experiencing overwhelming pain in my extremities. My Dr says I am sleeping fully clenched, that this uncontrollable clenching is causing inflammation. When I wake I can barely walk or use my arms/hands. I am getting some help this week (new therapist) I say this because I want others to know that eventually your body will rebel against the masking. Just powering through isnt a long term option! This has always been my strategy, and now I must confront the bully in my life and Im terrified (my nuro-typical daughter). Thank you Orion, every time I watch you I cry and you help me realize what is truly happening. Maybe a stream for those of us with zero support?
@johnbillings5260
The worst part is sometimes we don't even realize it's happening ourselves.
@siennaprice1351
It’s hard for me to say if I experience shutdowns or not. I was punished for meltdowns a lot, and for crying. So overtime, I’ve learned to stuff it down and just shut up, ignore it, don’t complain because nobody else is complaining. I even stuff complex PTSD flashbacks down because “that all happened so many years ago. And I just need to control my flashbacks, don’t have them. Get over my childhood trauma.” But I find the more I’m silent, the more the external meltdown and symptoms want to come out even more. I was also forced to communicate what was wrong, when I didn’t want to talk about it. This was done by the same person who would punish me and get annoyed by my meltdowns and by my crying and explosions. I do have a very loving mom and a loving husband who do their best to help me. And I’ve developed coping skills to get me through the tough times. My struggle is allowing myself to get upset, to cry, to release and do what I need to do to release those emotions.
@delyseonduty
If I am fortunate enough to be home during a silent meltdown, I stack pillows and stuffies on the floor of my closet, shut the door, and allow myself to be alone in the dark. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don’t. The important thing for me is shutting out all external stimulus and being alone in a safe and comfy space to process and reset
@Lucid-Fox
I'm 56 and I have never in my life had support in any way. I have been totally alone to deal with all of my issues. I am alone to figure out how to speak with everything and I often feel totally lost
@NeurodiverJENNt
"In reality we're not quiet... We are drowning..." Amen This is one of your best videos yet. The title in your thumbnail could not have been any more succinct.
@rabidguineapig
I often have silent meltdowns and it takes me like an hour before I recover enough to be able to speak clearly again. You really can't explain it to most other people because they'll tell you you're being hyperbolic.
@Sommyie
I did this at a family gathering yesterday. Grandpa turned 90 and i couldn't talk to people I haven't seen in years. It was only after most of the people left, that i didn't know, did i start to talk more freely
@gothboschincarnate3931
Finally someone addresses this. It can lead to nervous breakdown.
@traceyalex1722